A Dandenong Ranges community house has been quietly offering regular support for people to broach the subject of the death of a loved one, with a recent workshop held on 21 November.
Connection through a cuppa, a nibble, and a topic that can be hard for some to talk openly about – the Death/Life Cafe has been running every term at Selby Community House for some time.
Often present as a facilitator at the cafe, Melanie, a representative of the Melbourne East Doula Hub, said they invite people to come along, and they can just listen, or they can contribute as much or as little as they want.
“It takes a little while, but a group will usually get comfortable within around half an hour,” she said.
The group settle into the unspoken comforts and rituals of eating and drinking and introducing themselves.
“If they choose not to introduce themselves, that’s fine as well,” said Melanie.
Based on a global movement called the Death Cafe, the aim is to breach what is usually considered a taboo and difficult subject over food and drink – usually tea, coffee and cake.
The idea has been linked back to a Swiss sociologist and anthropologist who organised the very first Cafe Mortel in 2004.
Later, a UK web developer known as Jon Underwood brought the idea to London in 2011, launching a website and a global movement. Mr Underwood sadly passed away at 44 years of age in 2017, and his family now continues his work.
Being a little further out in locality, Melanie said Selby participants sometimes come back to participate in the cafe again.
“It’s semi-regional, so we have had a couple of repeat attendees now, which is really lovely that we’ve seen some familiar faces,” she said.
“To me, that signifies that people feel comfortable there – they feel welcome.”
“I love that it is held in the hills, and so we’re bringing it to them, instead of them having to come down the hill to access these things.”
In Australia, talking about death, even with close family and friends, can be quite a challenge.
Melanie said so far at Selby Community House, the feedback they’ve had has been good and encouraging, with some people saying they found it really uplifting or not as scary as they thought it would be.
“A lot of people find it very difficult to find someone to talk to about this,” she said.
“It’s different every time, and it can go off in a different direction – every time I’ve held one, I find them really enjoyable.”
Whether it is talking to someone older or younger, Melanie said, people can find a great sense of relief when they find someone with whom they can talk about this topic.
“But let’s face it, it’s going to affect us all, so let’s be more comfortable with it,” she said.
As the end of the year approaches, Christmas can stir up feelings of grief along with the joy of the holidays.
Lifeline offers tool kits online that can help people learn tips and practical strategies for coping with grief, managing emotions, and taking care of their well-being. Lifeline’s 13 11 14 crisis support service is available 24/7. Anyone in Australia can speak to a trained Crisis Supporter over the phone, any time.
Selby Community House will continue to run the program come the new year, and the first term Death / Life Cafe will be held on Wednesday 25 March 2026 from 12.30pm – 3.00pm.
Registrations can be taken by contacting Selby Community House on 9754 2039.
